she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
