She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
