at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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