it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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