I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
