He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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