Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
