She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
