is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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