I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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