DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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