Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
