There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
