got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize