Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
