I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
