I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
