im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
