There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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