He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
