I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
