i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize