How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Randomize