Whod you bang
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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