I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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