wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
