Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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