I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
