i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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