how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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