My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
