i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?