For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
