Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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