what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
