she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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