YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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