I cockslap morals
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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