spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
