i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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