38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
