Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
