Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
