My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
