Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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