I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
