i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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