to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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