i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
