I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My vagina just recognized that song.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
