You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
