Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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