I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
