It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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