He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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