I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
