haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
