oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
