I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
