Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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