he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
