She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
