Duck Duck Cougar?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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