cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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