She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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