You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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