i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
