you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
