wakey wakey hands off snakey
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
