just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
