Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
