thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
