think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
